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Loveage. Young Larry is attending a
community college (jokes abound about that) and is in need of some
help with the ladies when a singles dating show comes to air on
the campus. To get on the show, Larry has to bring two artifacts
of love to the host a series of times, with each trip culminating
in an event for the show itself. The artifacts come from ladies
(and a monkey) that are… 'conquered'. Each trip unlocks more locations
to go through and more ladies to hit on. With his handy Black Book,
Larry can see what his objectives are, the artifacts he has already
gotten, his costumes, and other general information like play time,
gallons urinated, etc. This is actually a good way of handling all
the needed information and is fitting of the environment.
So, with his little book in hand, Larry goes out to tame the ladies.
To woo them, he sweet talks them and participates in a series of
activities that all boil down to a handful of mini games. The introductions
come by the way of awkward conversations that are handled on the
player's end by them controlling a sperm through a canal; by hitting
green faces, the heart meter will fill up as well as the conversation
meter, if the sperm hits too many obstacles (cameras zoom up on
their breasts, beer makes the sperm harder to control, and so on)
then the heart meter will sink, meaning a loss if it happens at
the end of the conversation. After that stage comes a variety of
other tasks, and these involve playing quarters (pulling back and
pushing forward on the left thumbstick to bounce a quarter into
a glass to get the girl drunk); Whack-a-Mole (done like a Shenmue
quicktime events, where the player hits the button as it flashes
onscreen), which is used for anything from mixing drinks to spanking
women; Rhythm (a character says a series of directions and the player
has to hit them as the icon goes into the circle - like DDR);
Bartending (this is that old Midway game Root Beer Tap, it
just involves going down four rows and handing out food or paper
to people in line and picking up trash, or, in one case, avoiding
monkey "shit"); and there are lesser activities, like Avoidance
(running away from people) and Pose (going from one person and passing
whatever they have, be it a rumor or school spirit, to those around).
The lesser activities aren't very fun, because it only takes one
touch for Larry to get caught and he is extremely slow; and the
other is limited to passing information when characters haven't
heard it yet or are not near other characters, which means it might
take five or six tries to beat if someone ends up blocking your
path or the characters stay near someone who will end that mission
if near (re: if a hooker is near you telling a John a rumor about
the prostitutes, the round ends in a loss), with everything being
timed. There are also even lesser activities, like hand slapping
(the old game where someone puts their hand under yours and you
try to slap the top of theirs before they pull away) and taking
pictures (which is a pain since it is also timed and finding the
perfect spot to get the most points tends to be fairly difficult
- you can also sell pictures to people, but I've yet to find a buyer).
Well, that sure does look like quite a bit, doesn't it? Actually,
the main three or four activities are the ones that are done over
and over and over and over. Towards the end, I don't care if I am
mixing drinks or spanking a woman chained to a pole, playing Simon
Says ceases to be fun. All of the other activities are spread around,
but those also get tiring after a while as well. Since this is all
the game consists of, it's simply Larry going from point A to B
and doing those games, so it isn't like the minor activities all
that much since they will be played to death as well. He might have
to get a specific outfit or drink a lot (too much drinking can cause
streaking, though) to talk to a specific woman, but then the same
games are activated again. What I did like was that the game will
ask to simplify a task if the player loses at it too much, or they
can 'wimp out' and use their secret tokens to pass that game with
a win and continue on. With plenty of secret tokens lying around,
it's easy to skip past the more mundane tasks. Doing well in these,
and successfully posing for random people, will also increase Larry's
confidence, which is visually represented by his facial expression;
in all honesty, good things are supposed to come from this, but
I never noticed any difference between it being high or low.
The limited amount of activities really wouldn't be that big of
a deal if the game was fun to play; which is a shame, because so
much is done well. The art direction is good, although Larry can
look like that crazy doll from Dead of Night at times, the
voice over work is exceptional, and the groundwork often just feels
right (menu system, basic navigation - annoying random camera shenanigans
aside, and the game world itself). If I were to imagine a Leisure
Suit Larry in 3D, this would be it. Navigation is basic, but
it's what it needs to be, and the gameworld is just large enough.
But, none of this really matters when it never really comes together.
The main reason the game fails to deliver is because of the humor.
The problem with the humor is that the game tends to follow the
school of thought that a penis or breasts or a cuss word is in of
itself funny. The idea of an innuendo is completely thrown out the
window as all the jokes are shoved in the player's face - kind of
like when someone says something obvious and follows with, "get
it?" Spotting a bottle of Motion Lotion on a shelf might get a chuckle,
but rest assured that at some point the camera will zoom up on it
- just in case you missed it all those other times because, it's
Motion Lotion! It's hilarious! Situations devolve into a woman having
sex with a stuffed teddy bear sporting a strap-on, Larry taking
pictures of a doorman at a gay club who is wearing nothing but a
hot pink speedo, a monkey masturbating constantly (haha! A monkey
masturbating!), a photo shoot of porn poses complete with moaning,
and a band member having sex with Larry in every position possible
while he dons a school mascot costume.
Did I mention that there are a lot of penises in the game? Well,
there are. There is an odd fascination with them, it seems. As I
was saying, a penis in and of itself isn't funny, and making a statue
into the shape of one or making a whale look like one still isn't
funny. I think the #1 rule to the story writing here was that if
they couldn't find a way to make something funny, they just made
it a penis, then they evidently found the shape so hilarious that
they decided to go crazy with it - you have your chart of animal
penises; the whale that looks like a penis; the secret tokens that
are coins with a penis in a condom on them; the hilarious gay joke
about a bakery that makes coming out cakes that have a naked man
on them; a statue where the water shoots at the statue instead of
the other way…and guess where the water comes from?; Larry's talking
penis; a banana used as a penis; and a store with ads on the loading
screen that sell clothes for guys 14 inches that feature clothes
that support, yes, large penises.
The best example of what is wrong with the game is such: Larry has
a few ways of earning money - selling photos, making mixed drinks,
playing quarters, and masturbating - to masturbate, a game of pong
loads up, but the player plays it by themselves, and each time the
ball hits a hand (instead of a paddle - get it?), a giant, pixilated
penis grows, with Larry winning if it hits the bell before he runs
out of balls. I mean, you get it, no? He is playing pong by himself,
and the penis gets larger. He's masturbating. He's playing it alone.
Haha. No, the developers don't trust you enough to get a shitty
joke, so they just come out and say, "Yes, this means he is masturbating".
Thanks for the notice.
If you aren't rolling in tears at the crazy antics of painting a
statue of a bull's balls blue (done in the Simon Says method), shooting
white t-shirts with a water gun, hearing gay guys talk with heavy
lisps, seeing a man grinding into a wall near a hole that has an
arrow pointing to it from the words "Farmer's Daughter", or hearing
a monkey talking about jamming his hot rod into a woman as he blows
his load, then you'll surely find the excessive cussing hilarious.
Evidently just saying fuck, cock, and shit passes as something funny.
"Shut your fucking mouth you stupid cock" - did you laugh? Well,
maybe if was you and a friend goofing off you might have, but this
is you spending $40-$50, not you on a sofa giving your friend a
good-natured ribbing (Note: If there is a sequel in the works, you
may not use that as a reference to gay sex or in a penis joke).
I'm not that highbrow of a guy, mind you. If someone spurned my
advances, I got my anger out by urinating on their legs. There were
also a few jokes that I did laugh at. I'm not above laughing at
old Richard Pryor or Eddie Murphy, so it isn't that my body contorts
the second I hear a cuss word or joke about sex. The problem is
that the game just isn't funny.
If a mix of poor humor and repetitive gameplay wasn't bad enough,
the game is also very short. It took me about 7 hours to beat it.
I didn't get all the extra stuff - bought from vending machines
(?) and the library, which are random items like accessories for
outfits and some more risqué items from an unsavory gentleman (design
sketches, nude versions of character models, dirty loading screen
posts, and a nude and naughty mode). So if you really want to go
all-out, you might get 10 hours into it. Actually, maybe 12, factoring
in how slow it is to get money and all the loading. But keep in
mind that about 2 and half hours of that will be pure loading screen
fun.
To add a little salt into the wound is the fact that this game could
have been a decent distraction. As I mentioned earlier, it's what
I'd imagined a 3D LSL title would look like. The game sports
high production values, with great voice-overs that fit the on-screen
characters, along with good music and sound effects. There are a
few licensed tracks, like "Me So Horny" by 2 Live Crew and
"I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred - although they suit the
game, prolonged exposure to either is enough to drive anyone insane;
and there are numerous conversations going on at all times between
other kids on the campus, but they do restart and repeat some every
time Larry enters the area again. The moments when the game takes
more jabs at Larry being a loser rather than showing another item
in the shape of a penis are actually enjoyable, and the game can
be funny - although those moments are few and far between. There
are also some nice references to the older titles, like the Sierra
logo on a computer screen, Uncle Larry wondering what is so bad
about pointing and clicking, and young Larry looking at a street
light and saying, "This is a street lamp. It is used to make light."
There were also a few quirky movie and sitcom references that were
nice, like a Rocky IV Ivan Drago reference during an argument
with a Russian woman, a tirade about monkeys being friendly that
is inspired by Dunston Checks In, and a mental reenactment
of a bit from Welcome Back Kotter during a boring date. The
core is definitely there, what was built around it just happens
to be a waste.
Overall: 2/10
Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude is the equivalent to
spending 8 hours in a highway rest area bathroom stall. For the
moments that are good and for the first few stages when the mini
games aren't so bad, and for the overall feel, it gets some credit,
but not nearly enough to recommend a purchase - unless rectangular
boobs and bukkake references do something for you.
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