Conker’s Bad Fur Day was the Nintendo 64’s Resident Evil 4.  It was the one title that could be pointed to as an example that Nintendo wasn’t a kiddie company and that their consoles could be home to more edgy material – “edgy material” being excessive violence and cursing, of course.  But Conker is returning to a gaming world far different than the one he left behind, and it’s one in which his shock value has been severely lessened thanks to companies like Acclaim and Vivendi.  With a single-player adventure, the original game’s piece de resistance, that has weakened over time, it’s surprising so little was done to offer a more complete package.

Then again, the single-player campaign might have not been the focus to begin with. The start-up menu has its default selection set on the Xbox Live mode, after all.  Those wanting to venture down the path of excessive sexual innuendos, poo jokes, and English slang will have the option to have up to three adventures, allowing you to have two other friends to reference tidbits of the game with – “Man, you remember the part where the guy says, ‘You’re a @$#$#% #%#$%!’?”  Those wanting to tackle the journey should be prepared though, and have at their disposal ear muffs, a lot of patience, and an amulet, which I’ll explain later.  Presumably because of ESRB issues, the cursing has been replaced with loud beeps and gibberish, so instead of being called a ‘silly cunt’, you’ll be called a ‘silly $%^#@$’ (loud beep sound), leaving you to nearly feel the shock value screaming out as it slips away into nothingness.  Of course, this only lasts until you beat the game and unlock the potty mouth feature.   This makes sense, because if I buy an M-rated game with the explicit purpose of seeing a squirrel do horrifying things to other creatures and to say things that would make mothers everywhere blush, I would want to put a good ten hours towards in before getting the full experience.

The loud beeps work in tandem with the loose controls and problematic camera to provide an experience that feels both dated and aggravating.  It makes no sense to spend so much time on the graphics and not give Conker any weight, or to have the camera become easily confused when it’s not being handled with love mittens. Why the need for an amulet? Well, that’s because poor Conker has some horrible luck.  It isn’t entirely uncommon to lose all of your health by a stream of actions that are almost completely out of your hands.  For example, I was on a surface that was supposed to be slick, but instead of sliding down I got stuck.  At that moment, a chunk of erupting lava landed directly on Conker, sending him flying right into the air and into a lava pit, which, because of the controls and camera flipping out at anything remotely out of the ordinary, resulted in my death after he bounced around a few times trying to escape the burning magma. Tada!  Luckily, Rare was generous with the health and save points.

In a time when games contain jokes that involve stuffed teddy bears wearing sexual devices (Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude), the impact of an edited squirrel lands with the force of a wiffle ball on jello.  That isn’t to say that the game has been completely neutered.  There are still plenty of “…oh” cases, including the giant pile of feces that has a tendency to become operatic; Conker needing to urinate on objects to solve puzzles; and random things with large breasts.  Hilarious, it is not; tedious, it is.  Based around a HUD design, there will be main sections of a map with various paths that lead to different sections of the game.  The problem with this approach is that it isn’t always clear what needs to be done.  There are icons lying about that indicate that an action can be done, and small snippets of instructions, but these often lead to wasted time as you try to follow up on the vague clues. Some spots would at least be somewhat humorous if they didn’t force the player to spend twenty minutes to figure out something that actually took five to accomplish. 

I can see why the game received as much attention as it did, though.  All lewdness aside, it has a fairly high kitsch factor.  With references to movies ranging from Star Wars to Aliens, the game has fun emulating and mocking of some of the more influential science fiction and action movies around. Granted, a few of the movies were more topical when the game was originally released, but nonetheless they fit in well with the references.  In fact, I can see people enjoying the title today because of this. It’s a shame that nearly two-thirds of the game has to be sledged through with plenty of backtracking to get to the later action portion, because it has still held up reasonably well.  It isn’t that the rest of the game is bad, it’s just that it feels unnecessary and antiquated in an era when 3D action adventure titles are experiencing a renaissance of quality and style.

What picks up the slack in Live and Reloaded is the online portion.  While some of the multiplayer modes have been removed from the Nintendo 64 version, the Xbox multiplayer has been tweaked to include a ranking system, as well as a variety of multiplayer modes that allow for play over Live, system link, or one system via dumbots.  In fact, the inclusion of bots ends up being a big plus. 

Multiplayer takes place in two periods, the Old War and Future War.  Aside from being cosmetically different, both see the SHC (Squirrel High Command) battling the Tediz in a WWII (and III)-esque spoof, with the Squirrels playing the role of the Allies and the Tediz the Axis.  Each faction has six classes (Grunt, Sneeker, Demolisher, Long Ranger, Sky Jockey, and Thermophile), bringing weapons varying from bazookas to flamethrowers, with secondary weapons that allow for anything from self-healing to cloaking.  There are also weapon and vehicle ports that allow for items like turrets to be spawned and placed, as well as class-specific vehicles to he created.  The variety and mayhem is really what makes multiplayer great.  I had a very tough time playing on Live due to connection issues, but the addition of bots allowed me to go solo, co-op, or fight against a friend as well as on their side.  There is also the Chapter X mode that contains the shooter portions of the campaign and allows you to play through them in succession.  Victory conditions will involve breaking through obstacles to kill certain characters to capturing flags, and by completing these tasks you can move up the command ranks via your career.

It takes some time to get used to the multiplayer portion, with combat seeming too erratic and chaotic for you to ever get your bearings. Once you do get the hang of things, though, you’ll find a title that isn’t completely balanced, but one that is just fun due to the nature of what is going on.  Chasing down a battle-hardened teddy bear in your clunky tank is nothing but enjoyable.  Utilizing the various weapons, like the flamethrower that switches to acid to destroy vehicles, makes the learning process pretty enjoyable, if still confusing.  Moving up through the ranks proved difficult for me since I had a hard time with Live, and it doesn’t count dumbot sessions, but I found that a small sacrifice for the opportunity to play  round after round devoid of the verbal screechings of a furious pre-teen.

Overall: 6/10

Conker was left behind by time, the poor fella.  What was once a controversial, landmark title has become a muted version of its former self and a seemingly inferior clone as well.  Despite looking good, there is little else to distinguish Conker: Live & Reloaded as a game of today.  While not a bad adventure, it is one of needless hardship and hokey jokes, though the anglophile might appreciate some of the sayings - “Sod off!” - that I didn’t.  However, the multiplayer component fared better, providing an experience that is both hectic and enjoyable.  It’s a bit of a shame that a title so well-received upon release has now left me with the thought that it should’ve been left in the time where it was appreciated and relevant.