Sony
D.I.C.E.
By James Rinehart
Nov 29, 2005, 5 :42 am

I am not going to lie to you: D.I.C.E., which is based on the TV show of the same name, is not a very good game. Now, you might look at screenshots and think, “Mechanized dinosaurs? Can’t go wrong there, can you?” Well, I am here to say that yes, friend, you can go wrong with mechanized dinosaurs. You can go very wrong.

The story is as follows: in the Sarbylion galaxy, an organization named D.I.C.E. (DNA Integrated Cybernetic Enterprises) has been created to provide help to those in need. Within their organization is the F-99 squad, a unit comprised entirely of children. The game puts the player in control of that one child-run unit and sends them off on missions that include coming in first within Grand Prix-style racing tournaments and stopping evil poachers from hunting a planet’s wildlife, among other things. One thing that seems ironic about the poaching missions is that you often have to beat and explode your way through the wildlife that you are there to protect in order to get to the evil poachers at the end of the stage.  As weak as the story may be, one could argue that it ultimately doesn’t matter, as anybody within the game’s nine-year-old target demographic who actually cares about the story has already gone out and bought the game or nagged their parents to buy it for them.

To ensure this review is not entirely negative, let’s take a look at some of the game’s more positive aspects. For example, things occasionally explode. Also, you get to beat stuff up using shiny metal robots, and you get to transform those robots into vehicles, though not on the same scale of complexity or coolness as, say, Transformers. There is a bit of variety in the levels, in that when you are not beating things up and watching them explode, you are racing against the clock in your transformed dino-vehicle and hitting checkpoints at high speeds.

The problem is that D.I.C.E. wants to be a racing game as well as an action game, probably because the show on which it is based has equal amounts of both. While I can’t argue as to whether or not the game lives up to the quality of the TV show because I haven’t actually seen it, I can say that the game is an unmitigated letdown.  For one, there is a “quantity-over-quality” approach to the design, with multiple levels comprised of the same room reused multiple times, only shaded with different colors. Most stages are just rooms connected by hallways, with enemies filling in the gaps. The further you progress through the stage, the tougher the enemies become, though not in any sense involving actual skill, mind you; they only become tougher in terms of how many times you have to attack them before they die or explode. Attacking is primarily done through the Square button, with Circle acting as your side weapon. The side weapons range from Missiles to Lasers to Beams and so on, while holding the Circle button often lets you target multiple enemies. That being said, it is simpler and quicker to mash the Square button, which is what you’ll find yourself doing more often than not. After all the enemies have been cleared in a single room, the door to the next room will open and the game will display the time you spent in the current room. Lather, rinse, and repeat for about eight rooms or so until you reach the boss, which is usually a large flying character of some sort with a single weak area or three that needs to be exploited. If you have not already been bored to tears just by hearing the description, then combine this with the fact that the areas vary between generic swamp/jungle planets and generic sci-fi rooms with lots of metallic surfaces.  With that in mind, you might be able to understand just how much of a dull chore the action segments of the game actually turn out to be. Of course, there is always some small comfort to be found in watching things explode, but even that is not satisfying enough to redeem the poor action segments.

The racing tracks offer some variety, but not enough to make up the shallowness found in the rest of the game. The racing itself has the potential to be genuinely fun but is marred by hazardous track design that seems more intent on stopping dead in your tracks with unexpected turns and zero guardrails than providing you with the thrills and associated spills of, say, F-Zero GX. It often seems like the tracks are crafted so that everyone except the player knows what is around the next corner, and the result is that it often takes multiple attempts to come in first. While it seems natural that a game should challenge its players, the way to provide that challenge should not just be an artificial way of padding the length out. Regardless, I will admit that there was a sick kind of satisfaction found in playing the racing portions, as unfair as they could be. There is something of a real challenge in trying to not only beat the competition but to stay on the track and not have to start over as a result of lost time. The racing portions have a sense of urgency rarely found in the action portions, which mostly involve smashing things and collecting little coins that are used to power up your Dino-Breakers and weapons in-between stages.

During research for this review, I found that this game is made by the same folks who make the show: Bandai.  The company has been responsible for some decent games in the past, such as the conceptually interesting .hack series as well as Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex which turned out to be a pretty damned decent action game when all was said and done. We know they’re capable of doing better than D.I.C.E., which makes the end result that much more disappointing.

Overall: 3/10
If it weren’t already apparent, D.I.C.E. is clearly not made for older players, nor would it seem to even be made for younger gamers who have a passing interest in the subject matter. No, it was made for the nine-year-old kids that are taken in by the show, and that’s fine.  I seem to remember buying into my share of licensed product when I was eight or nine years old, specifically that of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle variety. The difference with that, however, is that those games were not only based off an awesome cartoon show but they were actually fun to play. Sadly, D.I.C.E. is neither. Perhaps the inevitable sequel will be a genuinely compelling game rather a cheap cash-in of the show’s popularity.